Learn the Successful Dating Tips

Is there really such thing as a bad date? If you've just nodded or screamed out YES in your head, have you ever wondered what causes you to feel this way? Furthermore, have you considered whether you contributed in making it a bad date?
Expectations - are you expecting too much?
If you go on a date with the expectation that this person is going to be 'the one' you've already set yourself up for a fall. The likelihood is that they will not live up to your expectations and may perceive it to be a bad date. Unnecessary pressure would have been placed upon yourself and on your date. The excitement that you have built up (in your head, all by yourself) means that you will probably start the date on a high note, which will rapidly decline as you start discovering that this person is not meeting your expectations. The vast majority of couples didn't realise that their partner was the 'one' on their first date, so setting your expectations too high is destined to end in disappointment for you, more often than not. Whilst you may chalk it down to being a waste of time and a rubbish date, if you take a step back and think about it, was it really a bad date? Or did you simply set the bar of expectation so high that the chances of someone meeting them were extremely slim?
Are you just going through the motions and expecting the date to be bad before you even get there?
Many of us lead busy lives, trying to juggle work, friends, family and those boring chores, which you can't always put off. Therefore, fitting in your quest to meet someone into your busy schedule can be challenging. But the reality is that the more opportunities that you explore, the closer you will get to meeting the right person. Just to clarify, I'm not talking about going on dates with people who are highly unsuitable from the outset, just for the sake it. But if you do go on a date with a negative mindset and from the stance of just going through the motions, the other person doesn't really stand much of a chance. For example, if you're in a happy & positive mood and you spend time interacting with somebody who is in a negative & low mood, chances are that a conversation with this person will not bring out the best in you. So whilst you're on your date and your inner voice starts chatting "I knew it would be a waste of time, why did I even bother, I've got lots to do, I could have finished off my paperwork, this date is awful..." Ask yourself honestly, was the date really awful, or was it down to an 'awful' attitude?
Are you letting your past experiences influence your opinion of the person in front of you?
You may genuinely have had bad dating experiences but going on a date with someone new and pre-judging them based on your past experiences is unfair. You're not going on a date to test someone, or to try and catch them out because of a past experience. You're simply there to find out whether there is any attraction and interest to warrant a further meeting. Imagine how you would feel if someone treated you as 'guilty' when they do not even know you! This can also equally be applied to judging someone based solely on their physical appearance, without even taking the opportunity to get to know them.
Location, location, location - is it really that important?
If you have asked or agreed for the other person to organise the date and they have selected a venue, or location that you do not like, at that point you have two choices. You can make the best of the situation and try to not let it overcloud what you have gone to do - to get to know the other person - or you can let it ruin your date by letting it bother you to the point that you come across as moody, at which point the date is pretty much over before it has begun.
Just like we all have good days and bad days, we all have good dates and bad dates. But the key is to do everything that is within your control to have the best possible experience. So here are some tips:
Go with an open-mind and a positive attitude so even if you do not 'click', you will not experience it as a 'bad date' but a learning experience.
Remember that you do not have to make any life changing decisions on your date, cast those expectations aside and focus on the here and now and whether you want to get to know this person.
Going on dates is never a waste of time. It often helps you to clarify what you are looking for in a partner and brings you closer to meeting that special someone. But if you really feel like you can't be bothered, or are simply going through the motions, then consider taking some time out until you feel motivated and positive about dating - otherwise you'll be doing both yourself and the other person an injustice.
When you meet someone new, go with a blank canvas. Give them an opportunity to paint a picture about themselves; this is the only way to truly get to know someone.
If you do find yourself in a venue or location that you do not like, remember your primary objective is to find out whether you would like to date this person, rather than the lack of choice on the drinks menu.
In life we are regularly faced with situations that we do not necessarily like, we can choose to make the best of it and try to achieve what we set out to do, or we can sulk and blame others. Either way, how we respond is a choice that we consciously make. Happy Dating!
By Alpa Saujani, Managing Director of Tantric Club - a members club for single Asian professionals seeking dating, relationships & marriage. We host social events, dinner parties & provide a personal matchmaking service. Visit us today at: http://www.tantriclub.co.uk or call on 020 8352 0664. We look forward to helping you in your search.

This week whilst organising a date for a new member through the personal matchmaking service, he asked me why separate bills would be given by the venue on the date. I advised him, it was so that neither party felt uncomfortable, or obligated when the bill arrived. But he insisted that I call up the venue and ask them not to do this as he would prefer to the pay the bill himself. I commented on how chivalrous that was of him, his response "I wouldn't have it any other way and would feel extremely uncomfortable letting a woman contribute". This got me thinking that in a day and age of equality and effectively meeting strangers through dating agencies, online dating sites and also via dating events, what's the etiquette when it comes to paying the bill on the first date? Should the man pay? Should the woman pay? Or should you go dutch?
I decided to ask both male and female Tantric Club members for their opinions. Starting with the ladies...
According to Shilpa, when a man asks you out for dinner on a second or third date and does not pick up the tab, she interprets this as a man who can be somewhat selfish and is demonstrating that whilst he can manage his own expenses, he wouldn't necessarily be able to provide for her.
Trusha believes that it is fair to pay her half on a first date, although it is nice when a guy insists on paying. She always offers and if the guy declines, she gracefully accepts, unless she feels that he is being insincere. In which case, she will insist on paying her half so that she does not feel any obligation towards him.
"The last two dates that I have been on, I've picked the tab up!" Seema recently went on two dates set-up by her family, where both guys apparently had forgotten their wallets. "Shockingly, neither of these guys felt embarrassed, or were over apologetic". She met the first guy after work in town for a drink. "Considering that he had been at work all day, surely he would have noticed that he did not have his wallet at lunch time, and had the good sense to at least borrow some money from a colleague". The second guy, when the bill arrived, the waiter placed it in front of him. Seema got her purse out and asked how much she owed with the intention of going halves, he then causally piped up that he had forgotten his wallet so she would need to pay the full bill. Not surprisingly, Seema has asked her mother to lay off the family introductions for a while.
"I gauge how much a guy likes me based on whether he pays the bill on the first date" that's according to Tina. She believes that if a guy does pay the bill then it's likely that he is interested and will ask her to go on a second date.
For Reena, all the long term relationships that she has had, the men have always paid for the first date and the first dinner. "I don't know if this is sheer coincidence but I certainly think that it tells you a lot about a guy's characteristics. For me, when a guy pays on the first date it tells me that he is chivalrous, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. There are a lot of men out there who talk the talk about knowing how to treat a woman but unfortunately, they fail to walk the walk! Let me clarify, I'm not a gold digger and certainly after a guy has made an effort and paid for the first date and dinner, I will reciprocate by organising and paying for the next one. To me, if he shows generosity from the outset, he is likely to be generous with his time and to nurturing a future relationship, you tell me, which woman doesn't want a man like that?"
Over to the men...
According to Hardip, his decision to pay differs according to the circumstances. He is more likely to pick up the tab if he thinks that the date went well and as a means of further impressing his date. However, if he feels that there is unlikely to be a second date, or is neutral about the experience, he will retreat to his fallback position of splitting the bill in an equitable and fair manner. Hardip also believes that the onus should not be on a man to pay for the bill on a first date, especially if he in effect is meeting someone for the first time. He is also cautious of not wanting to cause offence by insisting on paying the full bill, in his own words "it can be seen to be presumptuous as a female may wish to pay her own way. There's no reason to assume she wants a 'stranger' in effect to pay for her portion of the bill".
"Being an old fashioned type of guy when it comes to dating I have no issue in paying. I pay all of the time without exception. I think however, it should be customary for the lady to offer to contribute". Hemant also adds that given that we live in an era of online dating, where you are regularly meeting strangers, as a guideline for anyone who is unsure, you should go dutch on the first 2 dates. But if there is a third date then the man should pay as at this point there is genuine interest to pursue things further.
Nilesh believes that the man should always pay if he is asking a woman out, as it is the gentlemanly thing to do. He also feels that whilst a couple are in the dating phase, it is the guy who decides where the relationship is going, essentially whether to commit, or not and for this privilege it's only fair that he pays. Mitesh, in part shares this sentiment "I would like to think that if I have asked a lady out for dinner then it's only right that I would foot the bill. However, if both of us have decided together to go out for a meal, then depending on how the evening and meal has gone, I would consider the following two options:
1. If it went well and I enjoyed the company I would definitely offer to pay the bill.
2.If we both were under the impression that we had a good evening but there was no chance of meeting again then I am hoping that we would go halves."

ByJohn Dory
We all know the saying "there are loads of fish" in the sea when it comes to dating, but there is the odd shark out there too, so it pays to be savvy about online dating until you're sure you've got a good catch. Every good and reliable dating site puts the wellbeing of its members at the top of its agenda; dating can be a lot of fun and using the internet to meet people is a cornerstone of modern dating culture.
However, it is important to make sure you get to know someone properly before you decide to meet up.
We are all taught from an early age to think rationally about things and ignore our gut instincts, but this is folly, gut instincts tell us things the thinking brain misses.
If your instinct doesn't feel quite right about someone, or you think you might not really click, listen to it, it exists for a reason.
The kind of person you actually want to meet, normal, well-adjusted and socially savvy like you knows what kind of behavior online is appropriate and what isn't.
Here is the top five things normal people online never do.
1) Normal people don't ask for contact details before you've really got to know each other. Once you've chatted through a dating site for long enough and have managed to set up a date, it might be an idea to swap mobile numbers, in case you're running late for your first meeting.
2) Normal people don't try to lure you away to other forums, chat rooms, try to get your personal email or try to talk to you in an unmonitored forum. Scam artists do, however, so make sure you're using a reliable dating service that ensures your online safety
3) Normal people never say odd, offensive, or inappropriate things to you, no matter how well they think they know you; this is a real 'red flag' situation, delete, block and report!
4) Normal people make your feel relaxed to be around them, not nervous, tense or anxious. Whilst they probably are perfectly harmless, people who make you feel this way on a date may have a lot of issues (and if you date them for long enough, you'll be the one who has to sort them out!)
5) Normal people keep it simple. Once an abnormal friend of mine took a girl ice skating on a first date because, after watching one too many Robbie Williams videos, he thought it would be romantic. It wasn't, it was high stress for all involved. Stick to coffee every time, it's just so much easier.
There are plenty of singles actively dating so follow these simple rules and you will be sure to get a good catch.
Find local singles near you on Plenty More Fish online dating. Registration and many of our fish dating services are free.